On Line Dating - I'm Just Me

I slept in today, the damp Long Island weather is not too kind to my lower back. I say this because it could no way be old age or all the stress we are under, I am not getting any older physically. Instead of my routine of reading the NY Newsday with coffee I choose to read an article in the details section of Augusten Burroughs website titled Online Dating http://www.augusten.com/site/online-dating it brought me back to my online dating experience. Like Augusten, I’ve met my wonderful.

I think I contemplated an online ad for two months before I acted on it. After being in an on-and- off relationship for the past five years I had to be sure I was ready to put myself out there and move on. I did not know that there were so many options for online sites, I had made up my mind that I would join E-Harmony. I kept seeing the commercials and was excited with the prospect of getting to know someone thru conversation and beliefs. There was just one major problem … their soul mate formula was not created for same sex applicants. Scratch them off the list, match.com was my second choice. Being a single mom on a tight budget I choose the least expensive plan and started completing my profile. I stared at the screen with the questions and big boxes to place my thoughts thinking that there was no way anyone would find me as wonderful as I find myself. All I wanted to say was I’m just me, it seems like a pretty simple task but once you sit to do it it’s like taking the LSAT exam when your studies have only included psychology.

Ok, so my profile has been completed and it’s live on the site. The pacing begins waiting to hear from someone. I sent out a few winks but I had my sights set on one person in particular and did not send her a wink, I wondered if she would remember me. I had met her briefly in the City, she was with her date, I was with my on and off relationship. We exchanged numbers, talked a few times, the Holidays came and went, she traveled ¾ of the year, there was over a 100 mile distance between us and we didn't keep in touch. I was always a pretty confident self sufficient woman, it is astonishing how many excuses I came up with to convince myself that I was not worthy of this person. Then it happened, she winked at me! Like a prepubescent giddy girl I was doing the “Snoopy Dance” in front of three young men in their pajama’s. The Boys were a little startled with my behavior and the questions went something like this ..“Mom are you ok?, Mom, you finished that tough report?” And my favorite was “Did we win the lotto?” - In a way I felt like I had. That night I scooped ice cream, read their bedtime story faster than ever, handed out hugs and kisses at lightning speed so I could get back to my computer screen. Once I made it back to the computer I panicked, after all “I’m just me.” What started out to be a quick short note turned out to be an essay. The essay included three young men who call me Mom, their special needs emotionally and academically, an ex husband that would push Mother Teresa over the edge, my workaholic tendencies and limited free time to myself. After I reread it a dozen times and pushed send I thought, there is no way in hell this one would give me another glance. Then it happened … “You’ve Got Mail” SHE wanted to know more but more importantly she wanted to know if I remembered her. I recall resting my head on my screen and tears hitting my keyboard. I put myself thru hell over the ad and the decision to wink or not wink.

My I’m Just Me mentality had me a little crazed …. After all you are who you are. Online dating may not be for everyone, it works for some and not for others. My advice is to know yourself, be honest even if it puts you into a tailspin.

Three years later, I still get giddy when she winks at me. I don’t know what would have happened if she didn’t wink that winter, I am thankful that she did.