She and I stood outside the Middle School with all the other mothers of the sixth grade class. She spotted the bus first, the past five days passed at a snails pace. This was the first time one of the boys was away from me longer than their two nights with their father. I was quite surprised at the sadness and void I felt with him not being in the house, I missed him something horrible. As the bus doors opened kids jumped out with wide eyes and bright smiles and then came my middle guy holding his head down dragging his carry on behind him, my heart sank.
I would not dare kiss him in front of his peers so I settled for a little squeeze. While we waited for his luggage to be unloaded we asked, “Why so sad, what’s with the long face?” “As soon as we are in the car and away from THEM I’ll tell you” he then looked at me with a little smile and said “I missed you mom.”
I was aware of his troubles with a few of the cool boys/bullies at school. It’s not easy being a kid with a learning disability in special ed. I voiced my concerns to the proper authorities at school before this trip and we were assured that there would be an abundance of supervision. I’m not unrealistic and I do know that kids will be kids and there is no such thing as a perfect child. It seems that the cool boys made it their goal to make my guy’s trip a living hell. Once we were home we listened carefully, made notes of names and events that occurred. Come Monday morning it looked like I was going back to school, again.
Staying on the Island was not an option as we had an early Saturday appointment with the architect to start planning the addition of a great room on the main floor and two rooms on the second floor. Since two boys were at their father’s already I called to let him know that middle guy was staying with us for the weekend, to say the father showed a bit of concern is a gross understatement.
That night after we settled middle guy in the guest bedroom she opened the conversation with “Don’t get upset”. Of course my antennae go up and she proceeded to fill me in on the details of middle guy’s week. Things have escalated since the last time these children took aim at middle guy. He confided in her and talked to her privately so that he could spare me the details. I had a great deal of concern for my son but at the same time I was greatly relieved that he trusted her enough to talk to her.
The cat was out of the bag about the construction we were preparing to have done on the house, I had not seen a smile on middle guys face like the one I saw that day in a very long time. It was a great weekend for him and for us too. He gained a trusted friend in the woman that would eventually become his step mom. She gained a new buddy who shadows her every move and has become her mini-me. Together they make a great team, sometimes I have to put them both on a time out and I could not be happier.
Showing posts with label Long Island. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Long Island. Show all posts
Monday, May 18, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Icy Family Weekend
After struggling thru the Monday Morning Blues, listening to an annoying co-worker give me her opinion throughout the entire week I could not wait for 5:00 PM Friday.
A friend at work mentioned that this co-worker was way too preoccupied with my life outside of work. She spoke to the co-worker about the attention she was throwing in my direction and advised that she back up a bit. I spoke to the co worker myself and let her know that I was capable of making personal decisions without her interference and negativity. Speculation was that if I started dating someone I would no longer wish to do activities planned by this co-worker. Didn’t this crap just happen in High School? We are 40 year old women, get past it!!!
Sometime during this week we had decided that SHE should meet the boys. She was leaving her house early Friday afternoon to make it to LI to meet me at work. Don’t you know this is the weekend it decided to snow! What should have been a three hour trip turned into eight hours. When she called to let me know she was coming down the street the boys ran out to ensure she did not pass the house. They were very excited to meet the person that was making Mommy happy.
I had a bit of reservation about her meeting the boys. Just because I think they are wonderful does not mean that she will agree. The little guy wanted to carry her bag in, it was bigger than him. Middle guy was polite and accommodating, she was enamored with him immediately. My big guy hid under the counter and she waited until he was ready to come out. Kids that are on the spectrum for Autism will behave that way, Big guy has Asperger’s Syndrome. When he finally did come around he introduced himself and asked her “Are you a boy, you look like a boy?” She told him how happy she was to meet him, asked for a hug and said, “nah I’m not a boy but I can do all kinds of boy things.” Then the most wonderful thing happened they asked her to come in the living room so that she could tell them about boy things she can do. They argued a little about who would sit next to her and she fixed that quickly …. Big guy on the left, Middle guy on the right and Little guy on her lap. I sighed with relief, dried that tear that was escaping and took a mental picture, this was the first time my forever family was all together.
She and I had planned to take the kids out to dinner. She was exhausted from the long drive but she did not want to disappoint the kids so we all bundled up and went off to the restaurant. As usual everyone wanted to sit next to her, she handled that well by playing musical chairs during dinner. Big guy wanted to try something new, so he did and hated it. She realized he was not eating and she ordered what he normally eats and he loved her from that day on. While we were having dessert I looked at her and said “If you are going to break my heart, do it now – this is your out.” As you already know, she never did take that out or the few others that will come in the future.
We were awoken Saturday morning by my landlady, we were frozen in and the door won’t open. I threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, as I was passing the kids quietly watching cartoons around her sleeping on the couch. She was a bit puzzled that I would be leaving so early, I can’t remember what exactly she said but it was not complimentary to the landlady. I had to crawl outside thru a basement window so that I could chip away at the ice formed outside the door. EVERYTHING was covered in ice from the night before it was a bit hazardous, but I got the job done.
Once I was back in the house, starting my defrost I realized the boys were getting dressed and making a plan. She took them outside to chip the steps, sidewalk and driveway, my instructions were to stay inside so I started to make breakfast. The remainder of the weekend was games, movies and home cooked meals, we included the boys into everything.
She was never an early riser and to this day early mornings are not her thing. Monday morning came and we sprang into weekday morning mode. Everything has always been scheduled out, dressed, breakfast, teeth, packing bags with lunches for the day, etc. She was amazed at the fluidity of it all and stated that she was exhausted just watching. I gave each boy a kiss at the door and they were off, time for my morning rituals. She drove me to work and honestly I did not want to go, life does have to continue – even when you are in love.
A friend at work mentioned that this co-worker was way too preoccupied with my life outside of work. She spoke to the co-worker about the attention she was throwing in my direction and advised that she back up a bit. I spoke to the co worker myself and let her know that I was capable of making personal decisions without her interference and negativity. Speculation was that if I started dating someone I would no longer wish to do activities planned by this co-worker. Didn’t this crap just happen in High School? We are 40 year old women, get past it!!!
Sometime during this week we had decided that SHE should meet the boys. She was leaving her house early Friday afternoon to make it to LI to meet me at work. Don’t you know this is the weekend it decided to snow! What should have been a three hour trip turned into eight hours. When she called to let me know she was coming down the street the boys ran out to ensure she did not pass the house. They were very excited to meet the person that was making Mommy happy.
I had a bit of reservation about her meeting the boys. Just because I think they are wonderful does not mean that she will agree. The little guy wanted to carry her bag in, it was bigger than him. Middle guy was polite and accommodating, she was enamored with him immediately. My big guy hid under the counter and she waited until he was ready to come out. Kids that are on the spectrum for Autism will behave that way, Big guy has Asperger’s Syndrome. When he finally did come around he introduced himself and asked her “Are you a boy, you look like a boy?” She told him how happy she was to meet him, asked for a hug and said, “nah I’m not a boy but I can do all kinds of boy things.” Then the most wonderful thing happened they asked her to come in the living room so that she could tell them about boy things she can do. They argued a little about who would sit next to her and she fixed that quickly …. Big guy on the left, Middle guy on the right and Little guy on her lap. I sighed with relief, dried that tear that was escaping and took a mental picture, this was the first time my forever family was all together.
She and I had planned to take the kids out to dinner. She was exhausted from the long drive but she did not want to disappoint the kids so we all bundled up and went off to the restaurant. As usual everyone wanted to sit next to her, she handled that well by playing musical chairs during dinner. Big guy wanted to try something new, so he did and hated it. She realized he was not eating and she ordered what he normally eats and he loved her from that day on. While we were having dessert I looked at her and said “If you are going to break my heart, do it now – this is your out.” As you already know, she never did take that out or the few others that will come in the future.
We were awoken Saturday morning by my landlady, we were frozen in and the door won’t open. I threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, as I was passing the kids quietly watching cartoons around her sleeping on the couch. She was a bit puzzled that I would be leaving so early, I can’t remember what exactly she said but it was not complimentary to the landlady. I had to crawl outside thru a basement window so that I could chip away at the ice formed outside the door. EVERYTHING was covered in ice from the night before it was a bit hazardous, but I got the job done.
Once I was back in the house, starting my defrost I realized the boys were getting dressed and making a plan. She took them outside to chip the steps, sidewalk and driveway, my instructions were to stay inside so I started to make breakfast. The remainder of the weekend was games, movies and home cooked meals, we included the boys into everything.
She was never an early riser and to this day early mornings are not her thing. Monday morning came and we sprang into weekday morning mode. Everything has always been scheduled out, dressed, breakfast, teeth, packing bags with lunches for the day, etc. She was amazed at the fluidity of it all and stated that she was exhausted just watching. I gave each boy a kiss at the door and they were off, time for my morning rituals. She drove me to work and honestly I did not want to go, life does have to continue – even when you are in love.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
On Line Dating - I'm Just Me
I slept in today, the damp Long Island weather is not too kind to my lower back. I say this because it could no way be old age or all the stress we are under, I am not getting any older physically. Instead of my routine of reading the NY Newsday with coffee I choose to read an article in the details section of Augusten Burroughs website titled Online Dating http://www.augusten.com/site/online-dating it brought me back to my online dating experience. Like Augusten, I’ve met my wonderful.
I think I contemplated an online ad for two months before I acted on it. After being in an on-and- off relationship for the past five years I had to be sure I was ready to put myself out there and move on. I did not know that there were so many options for online sites, I had made up my mind that I would join E-Harmony. I kept seeing the commercials and was excited with the prospect of getting to know someone thru conversation and beliefs. There was just one major problem … their soul mate formula was not created for same sex applicants. Scratch them off the list, match.com was my second choice. Being a single mom on a tight budget I choose the least expensive plan and started completing my profile. I stared at the screen with the questions and big boxes to place my thoughts thinking that there was no way anyone would find me as wonderful as I find myself. All I wanted to say was I’m just me, it seems like a pretty simple task but once you sit to do it it’s like taking the LSAT exam when your studies have only included psychology.
Ok, so my profile has been completed and it’s live on the site. The pacing begins waiting to hear from someone. I sent out a few winks but I had my sights set on one person in particular and did not send her a wink, I wondered if she would remember me. I had met her briefly in the City, she was with her date, I was with my on and off relationship. We exchanged numbers, talked a few times, the Holidays came and went, she traveled ¾ of the year, there was over a 100 mile distance between us and we didn't keep in touch. I was always a pretty confident self sufficient woman, it is astonishing how many excuses I came up with to convince myself that I was not worthy of this person. Then it happened, she winked at me! Like a prepubescent giddy girl I was doing the “Snoopy Dance” in front of three young men in their pajama’s. The Boys were a little startled with my behavior and the questions went something like this ..“Mom are you ok?, Mom, you finished that tough report?” And my favorite was “Did we win the lotto?” - In a way I felt like I had. That night I scooped ice cream, read their bedtime story faster than ever, handed out hugs and kisses at lightning speed so I could get back to my computer screen. Once I made it back to the computer I panicked, after all “I’m just me.” What started out to be a quick short note turned out to be an essay. The essay included three young men who call me Mom, their special needs emotionally and academically, an ex husband that would push Mother Teresa over the edge, my workaholic tendencies and limited free time to myself. After I reread it a dozen times and pushed send I thought, there is no way in hell this one would give me another glance. Then it happened … “You’ve Got Mail” SHE wanted to know more but more importantly she wanted to know if I remembered her. I recall resting my head on my screen and tears hitting my keyboard. I put myself thru hell over the ad and the decision to wink or not wink.
My I’m Just Me mentality had me a little crazed …. After all you are who you are. Online dating may not be for everyone, it works for some and not for others. My advice is to know yourself, be honest even if it puts you into a tailspin.
Three years later, I still get giddy when she winks at me. I don’t know what would have happened if she didn’t wink that winter, I am thankful that she did.
I think I contemplated an online ad for two months before I acted on it. After being in an on-and- off relationship for the past five years I had to be sure I was ready to put myself out there and move on. I did not know that there were so many options for online sites, I had made up my mind that I would join E-Harmony. I kept seeing the commercials and was excited with the prospect of getting to know someone thru conversation and beliefs. There was just one major problem … their soul mate formula was not created for same sex applicants. Scratch them off the list, match.com was my second choice. Being a single mom on a tight budget I choose the least expensive plan and started completing my profile. I stared at the screen with the questions and big boxes to place my thoughts thinking that there was no way anyone would find me as wonderful as I find myself. All I wanted to say was I’m just me, it seems like a pretty simple task but once you sit to do it it’s like taking the LSAT exam when your studies have only included psychology.
Ok, so my profile has been completed and it’s live on the site. The pacing begins waiting to hear from someone. I sent out a few winks but I had my sights set on one person in particular and did not send her a wink, I wondered if she would remember me. I had met her briefly in the City, she was with her date, I was with my on and off relationship. We exchanged numbers, talked a few times, the Holidays came and went, she traveled ¾ of the year, there was over a 100 mile distance between us and we didn't keep in touch. I was always a pretty confident self sufficient woman, it is astonishing how many excuses I came up with to convince myself that I was not worthy of this person. Then it happened, she winked at me! Like a prepubescent giddy girl I was doing the “Snoopy Dance” in front of three young men in their pajama’s. The Boys were a little startled with my behavior and the questions went something like this ..“Mom are you ok?, Mom, you finished that tough report?” And my favorite was “Did we win the lotto?” - In a way I felt like I had. That night I scooped ice cream, read their bedtime story faster than ever, handed out hugs and kisses at lightning speed so I could get back to my computer screen. Once I made it back to the computer I panicked, after all “I’m just me.” What started out to be a quick short note turned out to be an essay. The essay included three young men who call me Mom, their special needs emotionally and academically, an ex husband that would push Mother Teresa over the edge, my workaholic tendencies and limited free time to myself. After I reread it a dozen times and pushed send I thought, there is no way in hell this one would give me another glance. Then it happened … “You’ve Got Mail” SHE wanted to know more but more importantly she wanted to know if I remembered her. I recall resting my head on my screen and tears hitting my keyboard. I put myself thru hell over the ad and the decision to wink or not wink.
My I’m Just Me mentality had me a little crazed …. After all you are who you are. Online dating may not be for everyone, it works for some and not for others. My advice is to know yourself, be honest even if it puts you into a tailspin.
Three years later, I still get giddy when she winks at me. I don’t know what would have happened if she didn’t wink that winter, I am thankful that she did.
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