My baby sister was getting married, as her oldest sister I was happy that she is happy. Our family has never been close and as we all got older the distance between us got greater. Unfortunately, I made a promise to help celebrate the bridal shower and there is NO backing out of a commitment in my family. Holidays and functions with my family are like the plague, I try to avoid them at all cost.
She arrived on Long Island just in time to meet me at work Friday afternoon, I always loved surprises and still do. As I was walking out the door there she was leaning on her car with a million daisies in hand and the melt my heart smile on her lips.
I woke up n Saturday to pans clanking in the kitchen and the boys attempting to quiet one another. She was surprising me with breakfast in bed and keeping the boys occupied so that I could sleep in. While I was finishing up breakfast the boys were getting dressed because they were going on a top secret mission with her and I was not included.
The top secret mission was grocery shopping. As a group we were going to cook dinner together and make a few other dishes to freeze for the week. I fell in love even more that afternoon watching her interact with the boys.
Sunday morning came way too fast, my nerves were shot before we even left the house. I reassured her that my mother would be nothing but charming, after all it is a happy occasion and mother always puts on airs. I grew up hearing “what will my friends think?” about every situation that may or may not put our family in a positive light. You can only imagine what mother’s reaction was when I told her I was gay.
True to form, mother was overly excited to see me and meet the new person in my life. Thru all the smiles, gushing and introductions I kept waiting for the barbs that without fail always makes an appearance. We sat with my cousins and had quite a few laughs. Friends and family members came by our table to say hello – it had been a few years since I had seen anyone.
I wanted her to see my childhood home so reluctantly we accepted the invitation to go back to the house. After a very awkward hour and a full grilling by mother and sister in law we happily made our exit home.
The boys came back from the sitter and were excited to find her in our living room. After quite a bit of begging she consented to stay until Monday morning so that she could walk middle and little guy to school. I think that is when she started to love the boys more than she thought she would.
She and I started to notice that the time we were apart dragged by so slowly and when we were together the hours passed like seconds.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Icy Family Weekend
After struggling thru the Monday Morning Blues, listening to an annoying co-worker give me her opinion throughout the entire week I could not wait for 5:00 PM Friday.
A friend at work mentioned that this co-worker was way too preoccupied with my life outside of work. She spoke to the co-worker about the attention she was throwing in my direction and advised that she back up a bit. I spoke to the co worker myself and let her know that I was capable of making personal decisions without her interference and negativity. Speculation was that if I started dating someone I would no longer wish to do activities planned by this co-worker. Didn’t this crap just happen in High School? We are 40 year old women, get past it!!!
Sometime during this week we had decided that SHE should meet the boys. She was leaving her house early Friday afternoon to make it to LI to meet me at work. Don’t you know this is the weekend it decided to snow! What should have been a three hour trip turned into eight hours. When she called to let me know she was coming down the street the boys ran out to ensure she did not pass the house. They were very excited to meet the person that was making Mommy happy.
I had a bit of reservation about her meeting the boys. Just because I think they are wonderful does not mean that she will agree. The little guy wanted to carry her bag in, it was bigger than him. Middle guy was polite and accommodating, she was enamored with him immediately. My big guy hid under the counter and she waited until he was ready to come out. Kids that are on the spectrum for Autism will behave that way, Big guy has Asperger’s Syndrome. When he finally did come around he introduced himself and asked her “Are you a boy, you look like a boy?” She told him how happy she was to meet him, asked for a hug and said, “nah I’m not a boy but I can do all kinds of boy things.” Then the most wonderful thing happened they asked her to come in the living room so that she could tell them about boy things she can do. They argued a little about who would sit next to her and she fixed that quickly …. Big guy on the left, Middle guy on the right and Little guy on her lap. I sighed with relief, dried that tear that was escaping and took a mental picture, this was the first time my forever family was all together.
She and I had planned to take the kids out to dinner. She was exhausted from the long drive but she did not want to disappoint the kids so we all bundled up and went off to the restaurant. As usual everyone wanted to sit next to her, she handled that well by playing musical chairs during dinner. Big guy wanted to try something new, so he did and hated it. She realized he was not eating and she ordered what he normally eats and he loved her from that day on. While we were having dessert I looked at her and said “If you are going to break my heart, do it now – this is your out.” As you already know, she never did take that out or the few others that will come in the future.
We were awoken Saturday morning by my landlady, we were frozen in and the door won’t open. I threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, as I was passing the kids quietly watching cartoons around her sleeping on the couch. She was a bit puzzled that I would be leaving so early, I can’t remember what exactly she said but it was not complimentary to the landlady. I had to crawl outside thru a basement window so that I could chip away at the ice formed outside the door. EVERYTHING was covered in ice from the night before it was a bit hazardous, but I got the job done.
Once I was back in the house, starting my defrost I realized the boys were getting dressed and making a plan. She took them outside to chip the steps, sidewalk and driveway, my instructions were to stay inside so I started to make breakfast. The remainder of the weekend was games, movies and home cooked meals, we included the boys into everything.
She was never an early riser and to this day early mornings are not her thing. Monday morning came and we sprang into weekday morning mode. Everything has always been scheduled out, dressed, breakfast, teeth, packing bags with lunches for the day, etc. She was amazed at the fluidity of it all and stated that she was exhausted just watching. I gave each boy a kiss at the door and they were off, time for my morning rituals. She drove me to work and honestly I did not want to go, life does have to continue – even when you are in love.
A friend at work mentioned that this co-worker was way too preoccupied with my life outside of work. She spoke to the co-worker about the attention she was throwing in my direction and advised that she back up a bit. I spoke to the co worker myself and let her know that I was capable of making personal decisions without her interference and negativity. Speculation was that if I started dating someone I would no longer wish to do activities planned by this co-worker. Didn’t this crap just happen in High School? We are 40 year old women, get past it!!!
Sometime during this week we had decided that SHE should meet the boys. She was leaving her house early Friday afternoon to make it to LI to meet me at work. Don’t you know this is the weekend it decided to snow! What should have been a three hour trip turned into eight hours. When she called to let me know she was coming down the street the boys ran out to ensure she did not pass the house. They were very excited to meet the person that was making Mommy happy.
I had a bit of reservation about her meeting the boys. Just because I think they are wonderful does not mean that she will agree. The little guy wanted to carry her bag in, it was bigger than him. Middle guy was polite and accommodating, she was enamored with him immediately. My big guy hid under the counter and she waited until he was ready to come out. Kids that are on the spectrum for Autism will behave that way, Big guy has Asperger’s Syndrome. When he finally did come around he introduced himself and asked her “Are you a boy, you look like a boy?” She told him how happy she was to meet him, asked for a hug and said, “nah I’m not a boy but I can do all kinds of boy things.” Then the most wonderful thing happened they asked her to come in the living room so that she could tell them about boy things she can do. They argued a little about who would sit next to her and she fixed that quickly …. Big guy on the left, Middle guy on the right and Little guy on her lap. I sighed with relief, dried that tear that was escaping and took a mental picture, this was the first time my forever family was all together.
She and I had planned to take the kids out to dinner. She was exhausted from the long drive but she did not want to disappoint the kids so we all bundled up and went off to the restaurant. As usual everyone wanted to sit next to her, she handled that well by playing musical chairs during dinner. Big guy wanted to try something new, so he did and hated it. She realized he was not eating and she ordered what he normally eats and he loved her from that day on. While we were having dessert I looked at her and said “If you are going to break my heart, do it now – this is your out.” As you already know, she never did take that out or the few others that will come in the future.
We were awoken Saturday morning by my landlady, we were frozen in and the door won’t open. I threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, as I was passing the kids quietly watching cartoons around her sleeping on the couch. She was a bit puzzled that I would be leaving so early, I can’t remember what exactly she said but it was not complimentary to the landlady. I had to crawl outside thru a basement window so that I could chip away at the ice formed outside the door. EVERYTHING was covered in ice from the night before it was a bit hazardous, but I got the job done.
Once I was back in the house, starting my defrost I realized the boys were getting dressed and making a plan. She took them outside to chip the steps, sidewalk and driveway, my instructions were to stay inside so I started to make breakfast. The remainder of the weekend was games, movies and home cooked meals, we included the boys into everything.
She was never an early riser and to this day early mornings are not her thing. Monday morning came and we sprang into weekday morning mode. Everything has always been scheduled out, dressed, breakfast, teeth, packing bags with lunches for the day, etc. She was amazed at the fluidity of it all and stated that she was exhausted just watching. I gave each boy a kiss at the door and they were off, time for my morning rituals. She drove me to work and honestly I did not want to go, life does have to continue – even when you are in love.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
What If She Is An Axe Murder
That was the consensus among acquaintances at work and my sister, the only family member who I spoke to on a regular basis. I know I sounded like an idiot when my response was “She’s not, SHE is the one”.
We made arrangements for me to make the trip there on a weekend when the boys were not at home. I took the 12:21 train out of Long Island to Penn Station, from there I was off to Philadelphia on Amtrak. Once I arrived in Philly I called her to let her know that I would be backtracking on the Speedline and will be in the station within 20 minutes.
Never once was I nervous or did I question myself. Once on the Speedline the butterflies began so I busied myself with lip liner while the senior citizens coming back from the flower show looked on. As I pulled into the station I tried to locate her, I was looking out the wrong side of the train – typical ME move.
I stepped off the train, coat in one hand luggage in the other and saw her immediately, I knew then this was my forever. She stood there with a glaze in her eyes and a smirk on her face just watching me walk. I walked right into her space and kissed her lips, “Well, hello to you too” was all she could respond. We go to the car, as we started to drive I offered my hand and she took it … This one is a keeper, is all I kept thinking. She was very suave and confident however, she finally had to confess I was making her nervous – she made a wrong turn and we were headed in the opposite direction of the restaurant. Once we finally arrived, she turned to me and asked for another kiss, I swear there were fireworks going off in the car. All thru dinner the conversation never had a weird quiet, we felt like old friends catching up – this felt right.
She is king of her castle, there was no white picket fence but there was a porch. Once inside and all the animals were tended to I got the tour. Spacious, colorful, neat and well cared for – I was impressed. We relaxed on the couch after the tour, talked a while and decided it was time to retire. I was offered the master bedroom and she would bunk in the guest room, I declined that offer.
We did not leave the house until way past dinnertime the next day, it was wonderful – we just fit. While at dinner I was admiring the ring that was on my finger. Sometime during the previous 20 hours she was on one knee promising forever and put a ring to match hers on my finger. We went back to the castle close to midnight, we only had twelve hours left and I don’t think we slept thru any of them. We delayed my early train and the next but I had no choice, I had to take the late train back to my life.
At the station I tried so hard to keep the tears in check, but to no avail. I always hated goodbyes, but this one was different. I wanted to take her with me and never separate again. I finally stepped out of the car and got one last kiss. The walk to the station door was very lonely and I could not, would not look back. The vision of her smiling was what I wanted to keep in my heart.
Once back to my life, I read bedtime stories, handed out kisses and hugs. My heart and mind were back at the castle. While making tomorrow’s snacks and lunches I made a few calls to rest worried heads and advise that she was not an axe murderer. I called her, we were mutually sad, it was only a couple of hours and we were missing each other. It was then that we decided that no matter what, a long distance relationship would ensue.
We made arrangements for me to make the trip there on a weekend when the boys were not at home. I took the 12:21 train out of Long Island to Penn Station, from there I was off to Philadelphia on Amtrak. Once I arrived in Philly I called her to let her know that I would be backtracking on the Speedline and will be in the station within 20 minutes.
Never once was I nervous or did I question myself. Once on the Speedline the butterflies began so I busied myself with lip liner while the senior citizens coming back from the flower show looked on. As I pulled into the station I tried to locate her, I was looking out the wrong side of the train – typical ME move.
I stepped off the train, coat in one hand luggage in the other and saw her immediately, I knew then this was my forever. She stood there with a glaze in her eyes and a smirk on her face just watching me walk. I walked right into her space and kissed her lips, “Well, hello to you too” was all she could respond. We go to the car, as we started to drive I offered my hand and she took it … This one is a keeper, is all I kept thinking. She was very suave and confident however, she finally had to confess I was making her nervous – she made a wrong turn and we were headed in the opposite direction of the restaurant. Once we finally arrived, she turned to me and asked for another kiss, I swear there were fireworks going off in the car. All thru dinner the conversation never had a weird quiet, we felt like old friends catching up – this felt right.
She is king of her castle, there was no white picket fence but there was a porch. Once inside and all the animals were tended to I got the tour. Spacious, colorful, neat and well cared for – I was impressed. We relaxed on the couch after the tour, talked a while and decided it was time to retire. I was offered the master bedroom and she would bunk in the guest room, I declined that offer.
We did not leave the house until way past dinnertime the next day, it was wonderful – we just fit. While at dinner I was admiring the ring that was on my finger. Sometime during the previous 20 hours she was on one knee promising forever and put a ring to match hers on my finger. We went back to the castle close to midnight, we only had twelve hours left and I don’t think we slept thru any of them. We delayed my early train and the next but I had no choice, I had to take the late train back to my life.
At the station I tried so hard to keep the tears in check, but to no avail. I always hated goodbyes, but this one was different. I wanted to take her with me and never separate again. I finally stepped out of the car and got one last kiss. The walk to the station door was very lonely and I could not, would not look back. The vision of her smiling was what I wanted to keep in my heart.
Once back to my life, I read bedtime stories, handed out kisses and hugs. My heart and mind were back at the castle. While making tomorrow’s snacks and lunches I made a few calls to rest worried heads and advise that she was not an axe murderer. I called her, we were mutually sad, it was only a couple of hours and we were missing each other. It was then that we decided that no matter what, a long distance relationship would ensue.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
On Line Dating - I'm Just Me
I slept in today, the damp Long Island weather is not too kind to my lower back. I say this because it could no way be old age or all the stress we are under, I am not getting any older physically. Instead of my routine of reading the NY Newsday with coffee I choose to read an article in the details section of Augusten Burroughs website titled Online Dating http://www.augusten.com/site/online-dating it brought me back to my online dating experience. Like Augusten, I’ve met my wonderful.
I think I contemplated an online ad for two months before I acted on it. After being in an on-and- off relationship for the past five years I had to be sure I was ready to put myself out there and move on. I did not know that there were so many options for online sites, I had made up my mind that I would join E-Harmony. I kept seeing the commercials and was excited with the prospect of getting to know someone thru conversation and beliefs. There was just one major problem … their soul mate formula was not created for same sex applicants. Scratch them off the list, match.com was my second choice. Being a single mom on a tight budget I choose the least expensive plan and started completing my profile. I stared at the screen with the questions and big boxes to place my thoughts thinking that there was no way anyone would find me as wonderful as I find myself. All I wanted to say was I’m just me, it seems like a pretty simple task but once you sit to do it it’s like taking the LSAT exam when your studies have only included psychology.
Ok, so my profile has been completed and it’s live on the site. The pacing begins waiting to hear from someone. I sent out a few winks but I had my sights set on one person in particular and did not send her a wink, I wondered if she would remember me. I had met her briefly in the City, she was with her date, I was with my on and off relationship. We exchanged numbers, talked a few times, the Holidays came and went, she traveled ¾ of the year, there was over a 100 mile distance between us and we didn't keep in touch. I was always a pretty confident self sufficient woman, it is astonishing how many excuses I came up with to convince myself that I was not worthy of this person. Then it happened, she winked at me! Like a prepubescent giddy girl I was doing the “Snoopy Dance” in front of three young men in their pajama’s. The Boys were a little startled with my behavior and the questions went something like this ..“Mom are you ok?, Mom, you finished that tough report?” And my favorite was “Did we win the lotto?” - In a way I felt like I had. That night I scooped ice cream, read their bedtime story faster than ever, handed out hugs and kisses at lightning speed so I could get back to my computer screen. Once I made it back to the computer I panicked, after all “I’m just me.” What started out to be a quick short note turned out to be an essay. The essay included three young men who call me Mom, their special needs emotionally and academically, an ex husband that would push Mother Teresa over the edge, my workaholic tendencies and limited free time to myself. After I reread it a dozen times and pushed send I thought, there is no way in hell this one would give me another glance. Then it happened … “You’ve Got Mail” SHE wanted to know more but more importantly she wanted to know if I remembered her. I recall resting my head on my screen and tears hitting my keyboard. I put myself thru hell over the ad and the decision to wink or not wink.
My I’m Just Me mentality had me a little crazed …. After all you are who you are. Online dating may not be for everyone, it works for some and not for others. My advice is to know yourself, be honest even if it puts you into a tailspin.
Three years later, I still get giddy when she winks at me. I don’t know what would have happened if she didn’t wink that winter, I am thankful that she did.
I think I contemplated an online ad for two months before I acted on it. After being in an on-and- off relationship for the past five years I had to be sure I was ready to put myself out there and move on. I did not know that there were so many options for online sites, I had made up my mind that I would join E-Harmony. I kept seeing the commercials and was excited with the prospect of getting to know someone thru conversation and beliefs. There was just one major problem … their soul mate formula was not created for same sex applicants. Scratch them off the list, match.com was my second choice. Being a single mom on a tight budget I choose the least expensive plan and started completing my profile. I stared at the screen with the questions and big boxes to place my thoughts thinking that there was no way anyone would find me as wonderful as I find myself. All I wanted to say was I’m just me, it seems like a pretty simple task but once you sit to do it it’s like taking the LSAT exam when your studies have only included psychology.
Ok, so my profile has been completed and it’s live on the site. The pacing begins waiting to hear from someone. I sent out a few winks but I had my sights set on one person in particular and did not send her a wink, I wondered if she would remember me. I had met her briefly in the City, she was with her date, I was with my on and off relationship. We exchanged numbers, talked a few times, the Holidays came and went, she traveled ¾ of the year, there was over a 100 mile distance between us and we didn't keep in touch. I was always a pretty confident self sufficient woman, it is astonishing how many excuses I came up with to convince myself that I was not worthy of this person. Then it happened, she winked at me! Like a prepubescent giddy girl I was doing the “Snoopy Dance” in front of three young men in their pajama’s. The Boys were a little startled with my behavior and the questions went something like this ..“Mom are you ok?, Mom, you finished that tough report?” And my favorite was “Did we win the lotto?” - In a way I felt like I had. That night I scooped ice cream, read their bedtime story faster than ever, handed out hugs and kisses at lightning speed so I could get back to my computer screen. Once I made it back to the computer I panicked, after all “I’m just me.” What started out to be a quick short note turned out to be an essay. The essay included three young men who call me Mom, their special needs emotionally and academically, an ex husband that would push Mother Teresa over the edge, my workaholic tendencies and limited free time to myself. After I reread it a dozen times and pushed send I thought, there is no way in hell this one would give me another glance. Then it happened … “You’ve Got Mail” SHE wanted to know more but more importantly she wanted to know if I remembered her. I recall resting my head on my screen and tears hitting my keyboard. I put myself thru hell over the ad and the decision to wink or not wink.
My I’m Just Me mentality had me a little crazed …. After all you are who you are. Online dating may not be for everyone, it works for some and not for others. My advice is to know yourself, be honest even if it puts you into a tailspin.
Three years later, I still get giddy when she winks at me. I don’t know what would have happened if she didn’t wink that winter, I am thankful that she did.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Day One
We are jumping WAY ahead of ourselves - Our "Days" did not start today. As friends they started in the fall of 2006, something more happened in the earlier part of 2007 and we became one very happy family by Spring that same year.
As a little girl I've dreamed of happily ever after, I've learned that happily ever after comes after a very long and bumpy road. We are still on that road and I will share that story with you.
~KaT
As a little girl I've dreamed of happily ever after, I've learned that happily ever after comes after a very long and bumpy road. We are still on that road and I will share that story with you.
~KaT
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