Friday, May 22, 2009
Sometimes She Can Be A Real Jerk
Waking up to hear only ½ of a conversation and starting her grumpy “Blah, blah, blah” so the person on the other end of the line can hear her insensitivity 9.5 times out of 10 is unnecessary. In an effort to keep peace I close the door only for the child on the other end of the line to hear her bang thru it with more of a tirade, my mistake. It’s these days I hate, the position of being the peacekeeping middle woman. With the level of stress in this house we are bound to snap once in a while, I try to keep it from the kids. Middle son said “Mom, I’m sorry I made you two fight, again.” It breaks my heart every time because he thinks it’s his fault. She will calm down eventually, explain and apologize; I accept it because I understand it. Unfortunately, the damage is done and he heard what he heard, no backtracking now – the damage is done.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Water Dish Puddle
Some months I wish for menopause to kick in. As I sat on the couch with the paper and my coffee the nagging jabs in my abdomen are quite distracting, I hope the day gets better. She is still in bed with a nagging migraine, something that she lives with from her accident. I had just replaced the ice pack on her forehead and realized that I hadn’t seen our second dog in a while. After a panicked check thru the house I checked the yard, hoping that the fence was latched. Oh, crap where is this dog now? Gate locked, house checked so I checked again. He has decided to start not obeying or responding to his name, his hearing is fine. Raider is becoming ornery and it’s going to get him in more trouble than he intends. I finally find him under my side of the bed, the bed with the migraine patient. As the blood is rushing to my head he has tilted his head and is looking at me to say “What now?” He chooses to move to the middle of the California King so he is way out of my reach. The patient gives an incoherent moan, “can I get you anything honey” I say sweetly as I’m thinking, thank god I don’t have to tell her I lost her dog as I tip toe out of the room.
That disaster averted I check to ensure that I’ve locked the screen door and I feel water between my toes. I can’t figure out where it’s coming from, judging on the location and the wet placemat, maybe the pet’s ceramic water dish has sprung a leak. After all the water is moped up and I can’t find the leak in the dish, I fill it again and hope for the best. About an hour later I hear a splashing noise, I look over at the dish to find our annoying 14 year old cat splashing. There are drops of water hanging off his whiskers, his face looks like it was dunked and he is happily emptying the dish. There is no crack in the dish, the cat who thinks it’s a dog has completely lost it. I yell a four letter word in his direction and clean up the water for the second time, this time only filling it with about 1/3 of water. I think this has now aggravated the cat a bit because he finds that sitting in front of me and whining will get him more water to play with.
She surfaced from our bed around noon with only one eye open. The cat’s whining has woken her enough to investigate. She is a bit perplexed that I am ignoring the cat, surely there must be something wrong with him to prompt a noise like that. Once she is able to see the look on my face thru her one eye, satisfied that the cat is fine she staggers back to bed. The cat follows and has decided that whining at the end of our bed will get attention. Poor kitty did get attention in the form of a slipper thrown at his head.
It has been a very long day with Mr. Paws. I have not given in, adding more water to the dish. EIGHT HOURS since my barefoot discovery and he has not let up, Anyone want a cat?
That disaster averted I check to ensure that I’ve locked the screen door and I feel water between my toes. I can’t figure out where it’s coming from, judging on the location and the wet placemat, maybe the pet’s ceramic water dish has sprung a leak. After all the water is moped up and I can’t find the leak in the dish, I fill it again and hope for the best. About an hour later I hear a splashing noise, I look over at the dish to find our annoying 14 year old cat splashing. There are drops of water hanging off his whiskers, his face looks like it was dunked and he is happily emptying the dish. There is no crack in the dish, the cat who thinks it’s a dog has completely lost it. I yell a four letter word in his direction and clean up the water for the second time, this time only filling it with about 1/3 of water. I think this has now aggravated the cat a bit because he finds that sitting in front of me and whining will get him more water to play with.
She surfaced from our bed around noon with only one eye open. The cat’s whining has woken her enough to investigate. She is a bit perplexed that I am ignoring the cat, surely there must be something wrong with him to prompt a noise like that. Once she is able to see the look on my face thru her one eye, satisfied that the cat is fine she staggers back to bed. The cat follows and has decided that whining at the end of our bed will get attention. Poor kitty did get attention in the form of a slipper thrown at his head.
It has been a very long day with Mr. Paws. I have not given in, adding more water to the dish. EIGHT HOURS since my barefoot discovery and he has not let up, Anyone want a cat?
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Asking For Help - May 20, 2009
How is it possible that once you finally decide to humble yourself and ask for help, you are denied?
My partner who is a disabled woman decided that it was time to seek out some help from the state, something she has never had to do. Because I am unable to find work, not for lack of trying we are seriously having issues making ends meet.
Presently out income is below the poverty level, my question is how much lower than poverty level do you have to be to receive help?
My partner who is a disabled woman decided that it was time to seek out some help from the state, something she has never had to do. Because I am unable to find work, not for lack of trying we are seriously having issues making ends meet.
Presently out income is below the poverty level, my question is how much lower than poverty level do you have to be to receive help?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Why So Sad?
She and I stood outside the Middle School with all the other mothers of the sixth grade class. She spotted the bus first, the past five days passed at a snails pace. This was the first time one of the boys was away from me longer than their two nights with their father. I was quite surprised at the sadness and void I felt with him not being in the house, I missed him something horrible. As the bus doors opened kids jumped out with wide eyes and bright smiles and then came my middle guy holding his head down dragging his carry on behind him, my heart sank.
I would not dare kiss him in front of his peers so I settled for a little squeeze. While we waited for his luggage to be unloaded we asked, “Why so sad, what’s with the long face?” “As soon as we are in the car and away from THEM I’ll tell you” he then looked at me with a little smile and said “I missed you mom.”
I was aware of his troubles with a few of the cool boys/bullies at school. It’s not easy being a kid with a learning disability in special ed. I voiced my concerns to the proper authorities at school before this trip and we were assured that there would be an abundance of supervision. I’m not unrealistic and I do know that kids will be kids and there is no such thing as a perfect child. It seems that the cool boys made it their goal to make my guy’s trip a living hell. Once we were home we listened carefully, made notes of names and events that occurred. Come Monday morning it looked like I was going back to school, again.
Staying on the Island was not an option as we had an early Saturday appointment with the architect to start planning the addition of a great room on the main floor and two rooms on the second floor. Since two boys were at their father’s already I called to let him know that middle guy was staying with us for the weekend, to say the father showed a bit of concern is a gross understatement.
That night after we settled middle guy in the guest bedroom she opened the conversation with “Don’t get upset”. Of course my antennae go up and she proceeded to fill me in on the details of middle guy’s week. Things have escalated since the last time these children took aim at middle guy. He confided in her and talked to her privately so that he could spare me the details. I had a great deal of concern for my son but at the same time I was greatly relieved that he trusted her enough to talk to her.
The cat was out of the bag about the construction we were preparing to have done on the house, I had not seen a smile on middle guys face like the one I saw that day in a very long time. It was a great weekend for him and for us too. He gained a trusted friend in the woman that would eventually become his step mom. She gained a new buddy who shadows her every move and has become her mini-me. Together they make a great team, sometimes I have to put them both on a time out and I could not be happier.
I would not dare kiss him in front of his peers so I settled for a little squeeze. While we waited for his luggage to be unloaded we asked, “Why so sad, what’s with the long face?” “As soon as we are in the car and away from THEM I’ll tell you” he then looked at me with a little smile and said “I missed you mom.”
I was aware of his troubles with a few of the cool boys/bullies at school. It’s not easy being a kid with a learning disability in special ed. I voiced my concerns to the proper authorities at school before this trip and we were assured that there would be an abundance of supervision. I’m not unrealistic and I do know that kids will be kids and there is no such thing as a perfect child. It seems that the cool boys made it their goal to make my guy’s trip a living hell. Once we were home we listened carefully, made notes of names and events that occurred. Come Monday morning it looked like I was going back to school, again.
Staying on the Island was not an option as we had an early Saturday appointment with the architect to start planning the addition of a great room on the main floor and two rooms on the second floor. Since two boys were at their father’s already I called to let him know that middle guy was staying with us for the weekend, to say the father showed a bit of concern is a gross understatement.
That night after we settled middle guy in the guest bedroom she opened the conversation with “Don’t get upset”. Of course my antennae go up and she proceeded to fill me in on the details of middle guy’s week. Things have escalated since the last time these children took aim at middle guy. He confided in her and talked to her privately so that he could spare me the details. I had a great deal of concern for my son but at the same time I was greatly relieved that he trusted her enough to talk to her.
The cat was out of the bag about the construction we were preparing to have done on the house, I had not seen a smile on middle guys face like the one I saw that day in a very long time. It was a great weekend for him and for us too. He gained a trusted friend in the woman that would eventually become his step mom. She gained a new buddy who shadows her every move and has become her mini-me. Together they make a great team, sometimes I have to put them both on a time out and I could not be happier.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Confused Easter Bunny
“Happy Easter, Munchkin!” was the first thing I said when middle guy answered the phone. “Mom, it’s bad … Dad forgot to hid the eggs, I woke up at 4:40 and saw that they were still on the table, so I hid them before I went back to sleep.” “There are no Easter baskets either” middle guy whispered in the phone. I could feel my anger rising but kept my tone happy and festive, she was watching my neck get splotchy and my ears get red as I spoke to each child. I kicked into Mommy mode suggesting that maybe the Easter bunny got all mixed up and left two baskets at our house, we would find out tonight when we got home. I then spoke to the adult in charge “What is wrong with you? You could not even remember to hide the eggs for the kids, our middle child had to cover for you!” “Wake up and pretend to have just a little interest in making Holidays exciting and fun for the Boys, thank god you have your sister to fall back on.”
We had breakfast then went on our own Easter hunt searching for a basket to put a duplicate together so that two out of three children don’t think that the Easter bunny forgot about them. Talk about feeling like an idiot running into multiple drugstore and supermarket chains to find a basket to fill on Easter. I think after our ninth stop we found a lonely basket that had seen better days, but it was better than nothing. We had plenty of candy at the castle and there was an insane amount of goodies waiting back on Long Island.
The drive back to Long Island was uneventful, while everyone was having their celebrations the roads were pretty clear and it was smooth sailing the entire route. We ran into the house to hide the eggs and prepare the second basket. I called the father to advise that we were home earlier than planned, his response was “thank god”. I thought that was odd, but then again he is an odd one. Twenty-five minutes later the boys were stomping up the stairs with happy meals in hand, no baskets. He was holding up the rear holding the boys dress clothes that I were way to clean to have been worn. There was not one smile in the group, I mouthed “what’s wrong” in the father’s direction.
“I didn’t feel like going to my sister’s house, and they have been miserable all day asking to go home.” Again the splotches started, my ears turned a bright red and thru gritted teeth I think it went something like this “You irresponsible selfish son of a bitch, from the get go on Thursday you did nothing but screw up, it’s no wonder they don’t like spending time with you. This entire extended weekend was at your request, I only consented because I knew your sister would make a really big deal about the Holiday and the kids would have fun, you forgot to hide the eggs, didn’t have the common sense to put a basket together and then decided to do nothing for the kids … GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
Once the door was shut and my breathing was back to normal I went into the kitchen to find the little guy still in his coat, happy meal in his lap and she was wiping his tears. “You are a very good boy, I think the Easter Bunny got mixed up, go look in the living room” she said holding back her own tears and anger. Because of Asperger’s Syndrome the big guy keeps most emotion to himself, he saw his little brother’s hurt, that cue allowed him to vent his own thoughts on this past weekend of disaster.
Smiles all around, there were eggs hidden EVERYWHERE, some were real others were plastic with money in them. Baskets with candy, books toys, markers and pens were dismantled all over the floor, what a mess. The happy meals were cold and forgotten so we tossed them in the garbage and decided on an indoor picnic instead. Middle guy came into the kitchen “Thanks mom, you are the best. You know he didn’t even color the eggs with us, I asked the lady upstairs to help me get everything set up and she helped us while dad slept Saturday afternoon.” I gave him the biggest hug and said, “Never again will I allow this to happen, you are stuck with her and I for always.”
We had breakfast then went on our own Easter hunt searching for a basket to put a duplicate together so that two out of three children don’t think that the Easter bunny forgot about them. Talk about feeling like an idiot running into multiple drugstore and supermarket chains to find a basket to fill on Easter. I think after our ninth stop we found a lonely basket that had seen better days, but it was better than nothing. We had plenty of candy at the castle and there was an insane amount of goodies waiting back on Long Island.
The drive back to Long Island was uneventful, while everyone was having their celebrations the roads were pretty clear and it was smooth sailing the entire route. We ran into the house to hide the eggs and prepare the second basket. I called the father to advise that we were home earlier than planned, his response was “thank god”. I thought that was odd, but then again he is an odd one. Twenty-five minutes later the boys were stomping up the stairs with happy meals in hand, no baskets. He was holding up the rear holding the boys dress clothes that I were way to clean to have been worn. There was not one smile in the group, I mouthed “what’s wrong” in the father’s direction.
“I didn’t feel like going to my sister’s house, and they have been miserable all day asking to go home.” Again the splotches started, my ears turned a bright red and thru gritted teeth I think it went something like this “You irresponsible selfish son of a bitch, from the get go on Thursday you did nothing but screw up, it’s no wonder they don’t like spending time with you. This entire extended weekend was at your request, I only consented because I knew your sister would make a really big deal about the Holiday and the kids would have fun, you forgot to hide the eggs, didn’t have the common sense to put a basket together and then decided to do nothing for the kids … GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
Once the door was shut and my breathing was back to normal I went into the kitchen to find the little guy still in his coat, happy meal in his lap and she was wiping his tears. “You are a very good boy, I think the Easter Bunny got mixed up, go look in the living room” she said holding back her own tears and anger. Because of Asperger’s Syndrome the big guy keeps most emotion to himself, he saw his little brother’s hurt, that cue allowed him to vent his own thoughts on this past weekend of disaster.
Smiles all around, there were eggs hidden EVERYWHERE, some were real others were plastic with money in them. Baskets with candy, books toys, markers and pens were dismantled all over the floor, what a mess. The happy meals were cold and forgotten so we tossed them in the garbage and decided on an indoor picnic instead. Middle guy came into the kitchen “Thanks mom, you are the best. You know he didn’t even color the eggs with us, I asked the lady upstairs to help me get everything set up and she helped us while dad slept Saturday afternoon.” I gave him the biggest hug and said, “Never again will I allow this to happen, you are stuck with her and I for always.”
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Against My Better Judgment
Against My Better Judgment
“Can the boys have Easter with me this year?” I’m thinking what’s the catch. “My sister is having a big to do with an outside egg hunt, I’ve never taken the boys.” My immediate response is NO but I soften a bit and figure he is their father, the boys do have another side to their family. “I guess it will be ok, it is after all your weekend with the kids.” As quickly as the words come out of my mouth I want to suck them back in. This is the man who presented Christmas presents to the boys in garbage bags, with no wrapping.
I’ve already purchased three eighteen count packages of eggs and boiled them along with three egg dying kits. The idiot in me offers these items to the father. I will not part with any of the chocolate from New Jersey or any of the other basket items purchased in advance. The Easter bunny will leave them at my house for when the boys return. I freshened up the boys chinos and polo shirts made sure their boat shoes fit. Ok, they are all set for Easter with their Father.
After discussing this being the first Easter I will be without the Boys, we decided that we would spend the Holiday in New Jersey. The Father asked if he could pick the kids up from school the Thursday before Easter and spend the long weekend with them. This is not in his nature, but I agreed, that meant that we could get on the road early for the drive to New Jersey.
I requested the father come to my house Wednesday evening to pick up the clothing, Easter supplies, written out instructions with phone numbers and to ensure he knew where to go to pick up the boys at school since he had never graced the hallways EVER. I stressed more than a dozen times where and what time to pick up the kids. She sat at the kitchen table listening to me go over instructions and ensure that they were comprehended as if I was talking to a child.
Thursday morning came and the boys were very excited to go to school with the cupcakes that they baked with her. We took them to school, hugged and kissed each one a million times and I told them all they had to do was call anytime over the next four days and I would be back in a flash. I reminded each boys a zillion times where to stand to wait for their dad at the end of the school day.
She and I were off for our Holiday weekend. We arrived at the castle late in the morning, it was a beautiful day so we decided to explore. After walking thru a very quaint town and stopping in a few country stores we were off for a late lunch a couple towns away.
I was taking in all the sites with my bare feet on the dashboard listening to the country music when my cell phone rang. I glanced at the dashboard clock and smiled, it was probably the boys checking in after school. Once I grabbed the phone and saw the number the hair on my neck stood up, it was the elementary school. As I was on the phone with the principal call waiting beeped and it was the junior high school! 3:45PM and none of the boys had been picked up yet. School did have my notes and they were expecting the father to pick the boys up, they tried to contact the father but he was not answering the phone. I explained that I was already out of state, I would find the father and get back to them immediately. She pulled over because she was in disbelief that after all of my instruction and inquiry of his comprehension he was not at school on time. It took a few tries but I was able to track him down, I wanted to rip his head off when I was told to relax, he’s on his way now. It seems that he just lost track of time, it was not a big deal that he was picking his children up at 4:00 rather than 3:00 and I really do need to clam down a bit. I contacted the principals at both schools I could not apologize enough and let them know that HE was in transit and should be there momentarily.
She grabbed my hand and we continued on our journey towards what was now turning into an early dinner. It took a bit of prompting; eventually I was calmed and enjoyed the rest of the day. I was able to find some humor in the earlier incident. She was able to witness first hand the trials and tribulations in relation to “The Father”.
Motherhood is always an adventure, motherhood with HIM involved is an adventure on a stormy sea. I asked her again ….. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Can the boys have Easter with me this year?” I’m thinking what’s the catch. “My sister is having a big to do with an outside egg hunt, I’ve never taken the boys.” My immediate response is NO but I soften a bit and figure he is their father, the boys do have another side to their family. “I guess it will be ok, it is after all your weekend with the kids.” As quickly as the words come out of my mouth I want to suck them back in. This is the man who presented Christmas presents to the boys in garbage bags, with no wrapping.
I’ve already purchased three eighteen count packages of eggs and boiled them along with three egg dying kits. The idiot in me offers these items to the father. I will not part with any of the chocolate from New Jersey or any of the other basket items purchased in advance. The Easter bunny will leave them at my house for when the boys return. I freshened up the boys chinos and polo shirts made sure their boat shoes fit. Ok, they are all set for Easter with their Father.
After discussing this being the first Easter I will be without the Boys, we decided that we would spend the Holiday in New Jersey. The Father asked if he could pick the kids up from school the Thursday before Easter and spend the long weekend with them. This is not in his nature, but I agreed, that meant that we could get on the road early for the drive to New Jersey.
I requested the father come to my house Wednesday evening to pick up the clothing, Easter supplies, written out instructions with phone numbers and to ensure he knew where to go to pick up the boys at school since he had never graced the hallways EVER. I stressed more than a dozen times where and what time to pick up the kids. She sat at the kitchen table listening to me go over instructions and ensure that they were comprehended as if I was talking to a child.
Thursday morning came and the boys were very excited to go to school with the cupcakes that they baked with her. We took them to school, hugged and kissed each one a million times and I told them all they had to do was call anytime over the next four days and I would be back in a flash. I reminded each boys a zillion times where to stand to wait for their dad at the end of the school day.
She and I were off for our Holiday weekend. We arrived at the castle late in the morning, it was a beautiful day so we decided to explore. After walking thru a very quaint town and stopping in a few country stores we were off for a late lunch a couple towns away.
I was taking in all the sites with my bare feet on the dashboard listening to the country music when my cell phone rang. I glanced at the dashboard clock and smiled, it was probably the boys checking in after school. Once I grabbed the phone and saw the number the hair on my neck stood up, it was the elementary school. As I was on the phone with the principal call waiting beeped and it was the junior high school! 3:45PM and none of the boys had been picked up yet. School did have my notes and they were expecting the father to pick the boys up, they tried to contact the father but he was not answering the phone. I explained that I was already out of state, I would find the father and get back to them immediately. She pulled over because she was in disbelief that after all of my instruction and inquiry of his comprehension he was not at school on time. It took a few tries but I was able to track him down, I wanted to rip his head off when I was told to relax, he’s on his way now. It seems that he just lost track of time, it was not a big deal that he was picking his children up at 4:00 rather than 3:00 and I really do need to clam down a bit. I contacted the principals at both schools I could not apologize enough and let them know that HE was in transit and should be there momentarily.
She grabbed my hand and we continued on our journey towards what was now turning into an early dinner. It took a bit of prompting; eventually I was calmed and enjoyed the rest of the day. I was able to find some humor in the earlier incident. She was able to witness first hand the trials and tribulations in relation to “The Father”.
Motherhood is always an adventure, motherhood with HIM involved is an adventure on a stormy sea. I asked her again ….. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Monday, May 11, 2009
Road Trip
She had spent the last week at my home because the boys were off from school and I was pretty busy at work. After being alone raising the boys for the past seven years and juggling the everyday ‘stuff”, having her there was a blessing and I liked it more than I thought I would.
She and I had started looking for homes on Long Island, she was going to move here. The decision to sell her house and relocate was made long before me, I just changed her destination – New York was never one of her options. We did view a few homes, the prices were insanely high and the taxes were ridiculous. Of course the home we both fell in love with was out of our league and the price of the taxes, just made the decision to not try to wing it all the more easier.
I was able to get a little ahead of myself at work so I worked a half day on Thursday and took off Friday and the following Monday. She and the boys met me at the office and we were on our first road trip back to her castle. I leaned in to kiss her and whispered, you sure you are ready to do this” her very honest reply was “I don’t know!”. I grabbed her hand, squeezed and said “just follow my lead, the rest will come”.
We made it off the Island and thru Brooklyn rather quickly avoiding the rush hour crunch on the Belt Parkway. The Boys were ecstatic when we saw the Welcome to New Jersey sign. How very quickly we dampened that excitement when we told them that it was going to be another hour and a half until we reached the castle. Thank god for rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike, they do break up the ride a bit. We decided to have an early dinner on the road, once we were close to our exit the boys were ready to explode with excitement. We pulled into the driveway and the little guy asked “What country are we in again?” I’m not sure which child stated “You must be rich, only rich people have a front porch.”
She gave them the tour of the house and confirmed their suspicion of being rich when she told them the bathroom upstairs is all theirs. The boys got to know the cats and dogs that live at the castle along with the rules of engagement with each one. She and I went about making a grocery list for the next four days while the boys unpacked in the guest bedroom.
The boys woke early the next morning ready to explore. First we needed to get supplies, the boys were even excited about the local supermarket. I watched them relax, laugh with one another, play nicely and get along. I could have sat and watched them interact with one another for hours, this is what I’ve always wanted.
After the second night at the castle she and I discussed the possibility of her not relocating to Long Island, having us move to the castle instead. Saturday afternoon middle guy was quiet and complaining of ear pain and a sore throat. I took a quick look in his throat, his tonsils were swollen and red, I was sure an ear infection would follow. There was not one pediatrician from the yellow pages open, no urgent care offices that we could go to so the ER was our only option. Sure enough, he was given drops for his ear and antibiotics for his throat. I don’t think she slept to well that night, she kept getting up to check on him to see if he needed anything, I think it was to make sure he was still breathing.
That Monday morning I was on the phone with the school district as well as schools out of district for the oldest guy and his educational needs. I was not disappointed by any of the options given, she and I had discussed it further and it was settled, come September the boys would be attending school in New Jersey and living in the castle.
Monday afternoon we started to make our trek back to Long Island. There were three sad little faces staring at her in the rearview mirror, they did not want to leave. She promised that they would be back and that she did not want them to leave either. The little guy was very quiet and flushed I thought that maybe he was catching what his brother had … I was wrong. We were at the half way point of the trip when we hear “Mommy, I” …. And then it happened lunch was now in his lap. She was great about having vomit in her backseat, pulled over and we cleaned up as best we could. I wish I could say that this was his only episode on this trip, but it wasn’t. We were all very grateful to get back to my house and out of that car. She decided to call her pet sitter as she would stay on the Island to give an extra set of hands. I had a major presentation to give at work in the morning and I did not know how I was going to pull off work and a sick child.
That night we laid in bed I acknowledged her initiation into motherhood, she got a double whammy and she handled it with ease. It was that night she said “You are a great mom with great kids, they deserve to have you full time. Once you move to the castle, I want to take care of you so you can be a full time mom to them.” That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, 10 years ago I could not imagine wanting to be a full time mother but lately that is all I’ve wanted.
She and I had started looking for homes on Long Island, she was going to move here. The decision to sell her house and relocate was made long before me, I just changed her destination – New York was never one of her options. We did view a few homes, the prices were insanely high and the taxes were ridiculous. Of course the home we both fell in love with was out of our league and the price of the taxes, just made the decision to not try to wing it all the more easier.
I was able to get a little ahead of myself at work so I worked a half day on Thursday and took off Friday and the following Monday. She and the boys met me at the office and we were on our first road trip back to her castle. I leaned in to kiss her and whispered, you sure you are ready to do this” her very honest reply was “I don’t know!”. I grabbed her hand, squeezed and said “just follow my lead, the rest will come”.
We made it off the Island and thru Brooklyn rather quickly avoiding the rush hour crunch on the Belt Parkway. The Boys were ecstatic when we saw the Welcome to New Jersey sign. How very quickly we dampened that excitement when we told them that it was going to be another hour and a half until we reached the castle. Thank god for rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike, they do break up the ride a bit. We decided to have an early dinner on the road, once we were close to our exit the boys were ready to explode with excitement. We pulled into the driveway and the little guy asked “What country are we in again?” I’m not sure which child stated “You must be rich, only rich people have a front porch.”
She gave them the tour of the house and confirmed their suspicion of being rich when she told them the bathroom upstairs is all theirs. The boys got to know the cats and dogs that live at the castle along with the rules of engagement with each one. She and I went about making a grocery list for the next four days while the boys unpacked in the guest bedroom.
The boys woke early the next morning ready to explore. First we needed to get supplies, the boys were even excited about the local supermarket. I watched them relax, laugh with one another, play nicely and get along. I could have sat and watched them interact with one another for hours, this is what I’ve always wanted.
After the second night at the castle she and I discussed the possibility of her not relocating to Long Island, having us move to the castle instead. Saturday afternoon middle guy was quiet and complaining of ear pain and a sore throat. I took a quick look in his throat, his tonsils were swollen and red, I was sure an ear infection would follow. There was not one pediatrician from the yellow pages open, no urgent care offices that we could go to so the ER was our only option. Sure enough, he was given drops for his ear and antibiotics for his throat. I don’t think she slept to well that night, she kept getting up to check on him to see if he needed anything, I think it was to make sure he was still breathing.
That Monday morning I was on the phone with the school district as well as schools out of district for the oldest guy and his educational needs. I was not disappointed by any of the options given, she and I had discussed it further and it was settled, come September the boys would be attending school in New Jersey and living in the castle.
Monday afternoon we started to make our trek back to Long Island. There were three sad little faces staring at her in the rearview mirror, they did not want to leave. She promised that they would be back and that she did not want them to leave either. The little guy was very quiet and flushed I thought that maybe he was catching what his brother had … I was wrong. We were at the half way point of the trip when we hear “Mommy, I” …. And then it happened lunch was now in his lap. She was great about having vomit in her backseat, pulled over and we cleaned up as best we could. I wish I could say that this was his only episode on this trip, but it wasn’t. We were all very grateful to get back to my house and out of that car. She decided to call her pet sitter as she would stay on the Island to give an extra set of hands. I had a major presentation to give at work in the morning and I did not know how I was going to pull off work and a sick child.
That night we laid in bed I acknowledged her initiation into motherhood, she got a double whammy and she handled it with ease. It was that night she said “You are a great mom with great kids, they deserve to have you full time. Once you move to the castle, I want to take care of you so you can be a full time mom to them.” That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, 10 years ago I could not imagine wanting to be a full time mother but lately that is all I’ve wanted.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Chocolate, Candy and The Promise
“Somebody must really love you!” the nosy receptionist said as she plopped the gigantic bulky box on my desk. I was trying to calm an irate client on the phone and now I was unable to see my computer screen due to this box, asking her to hold for a minute did not go over well. I tried to move the box with one hand and soon realized that it was pointless. As I glanced at the return address, I knew where this came from but finding out what was inside was going to have to wait, I could lose this client if I kept her on hold any longer. I had not realized that every busy body in the office had stopped what they were doing to give my delivery all of their attention. As I was finishing my phone conversation the queen nosy body was opening MY box! Once I pried my box out of her grubby hands I opened the box and inside were 15 smaller individually wrapped boxes with bows and handwritten cards attached to each one.
Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, there had to be at least a 25 pound assortment of Easter themed candy. I did get quite a laugh at the box of chocolate covered nuts labeled especially for my coworkers. There were bunnies in canoes for the boys, fruit covered in chocolate, pretzels covered in chocolate, peanut butter cups, chocolate covered cherries, truffles and coconut covered in chocolate. Easily this was diabetes in a box.
Never had I received such a gift and I have to admit I was quite elated with the feeling of just being loved and being thought about. Having the nosy bodies at work rather jealous of my new relationship felt good too. They were all still getting past the flower deliveries I had received recently and they did not like that I was being tight lipped about the “details”. I refused to participate in the office gossip and I did not want to give them ammunition for their rumor mill.
I called my admirer while I was still blushing from the gift of chocolate overload. I was fighting off tears of happiness during my thank you, SHE cut me off and said “You deserve to have happiness”, that just made the tears fall a little easier. To this day I get embarrassed about receiving gifts, in a weird way I feel as if I don’t deserve it.
That night when I told her I had hidden the canoes and bunnies from the kids she did not agree. I explained that using that chocolate for Easter baskets would greatly help me out financially. She knew that the gift was greatly enjoyed and appreciated, that night I let my walls down a little more.
I’ve always prided myself in being a strong proud independent woman. I’ve always worked a full time job, sometimes as a single parent juggling a professional life and family life is a very difficult task. Keeping a home with all that entails along with food on the table can be considerably difficult with one salary. There are months that I don’t know how I did it, but I did. That night I allowed myself to lean on her, and it was that night that she promised that she would always be there for me, she has never let me down.
Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, there had to be at least a 25 pound assortment of Easter themed candy. I did get quite a laugh at the box of chocolate covered nuts labeled especially for my coworkers. There were bunnies in canoes for the boys, fruit covered in chocolate, pretzels covered in chocolate, peanut butter cups, chocolate covered cherries, truffles and coconut covered in chocolate. Easily this was diabetes in a box.
Never had I received such a gift and I have to admit I was quite elated with the feeling of just being loved and being thought about. Having the nosy bodies at work rather jealous of my new relationship felt good too. They were all still getting past the flower deliveries I had received recently and they did not like that I was being tight lipped about the “details”. I refused to participate in the office gossip and I did not want to give them ammunition for their rumor mill.
I called my admirer while I was still blushing from the gift of chocolate overload. I was fighting off tears of happiness during my thank you, SHE cut me off and said “You deserve to have happiness”, that just made the tears fall a little easier. To this day I get embarrassed about receiving gifts, in a weird way I feel as if I don’t deserve it.
That night when I told her I had hidden the canoes and bunnies from the kids she did not agree. I explained that using that chocolate for Easter baskets would greatly help me out financially. She knew that the gift was greatly enjoyed and appreciated, that night I let my walls down a little more.
I’ve always prided myself in being a strong proud independent woman. I’ve always worked a full time job, sometimes as a single parent juggling a professional life and family life is a very difficult task. Keeping a home with all that entails along with food on the table can be considerably difficult with one salary. There are months that I don’t know how I did it, but I did. That night I allowed myself to lean on her, and it was that night that she promised that she would always be there for me, she has never let me down.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Meet The Mother
My baby sister was getting married, as her oldest sister I was happy that she is happy. Our family has never been close and as we all got older the distance between us got greater. Unfortunately, I made a promise to help celebrate the bridal shower and there is NO backing out of a commitment in my family. Holidays and functions with my family are like the plague, I try to avoid them at all cost.
She arrived on Long Island just in time to meet me at work Friday afternoon, I always loved surprises and still do. As I was walking out the door there she was leaning on her car with a million daisies in hand and the melt my heart smile on her lips.
I woke up n Saturday to pans clanking in the kitchen and the boys attempting to quiet one another. She was surprising me with breakfast in bed and keeping the boys occupied so that I could sleep in. While I was finishing up breakfast the boys were getting dressed because they were going on a top secret mission with her and I was not included.
The top secret mission was grocery shopping. As a group we were going to cook dinner together and make a few other dishes to freeze for the week. I fell in love even more that afternoon watching her interact with the boys.
Sunday morning came way too fast, my nerves were shot before we even left the house. I reassured her that my mother would be nothing but charming, after all it is a happy occasion and mother always puts on airs. I grew up hearing “what will my friends think?” about every situation that may or may not put our family in a positive light. You can only imagine what mother’s reaction was when I told her I was gay.
True to form, mother was overly excited to see me and meet the new person in my life. Thru all the smiles, gushing and introductions I kept waiting for the barbs that without fail always makes an appearance. We sat with my cousins and had quite a few laughs. Friends and family members came by our table to say hello – it had been a few years since I had seen anyone.
I wanted her to see my childhood home so reluctantly we accepted the invitation to go back to the house. After a very awkward hour and a full grilling by mother and sister in law we happily made our exit home.
The boys came back from the sitter and were excited to find her in our living room. After quite a bit of begging she consented to stay until Monday morning so that she could walk middle and little guy to school. I think that is when she started to love the boys more than she thought she would.
She and I started to notice that the time we were apart dragged by so slowly and when we were together the hours passed like seconds.
She arrived on Long Island just in time to meet me at work Friday afternoon, I always loved surprises and still do. As I was walking out the door there she was leaning on her car with a million daisies in hand and the melt my heart smile on her lips.
I woke up n Saturday to pans clanking in the kitchen and the boys attempting to quiet one another. She was surprising me with breakfast in bed and keeping the boys occupied so that I could sleep in. While I was finishing up breakfast the boys were getting dressed because they were going on a top secret mission with her and I was not included.
The top secret mission was grocery shopping. As a group we were going to cook dinner together and make a few other dishes to freeze for the week. I fell in love even more that afternoon watching her interact with the boys.
Sunday morning came way too fast, my nerves were shot before we even left the house. I reassured her that my mother would be nothing but charming, after all it is a happy occasion and mother always puts on airs. I grew up hearing “what will my friends think?” about every situation that may or may not put our family in a positive light. You can only imagine what mother’s reaction was when I told her I was gay.
True to form, mother was overly excited to see me and meet the new person in my life. Thru all the smiles, gushing and introductions I kept waiting for the barbs that without fail always makes an appearance. We sat with my cousins and had quite a few laughs. Friends and family members came by our table to say hello – it had been a few years since I had seen anyone.
I wanted her to see my childhood home so reluctantly we accepted the invitation to go back to the house. After a very awkward hour and a full grilling by mother and sister in law we happily made our exit home.
The boys came back from the sitter and were excited to find her in our living room. After quite a bit of begging she consented to stay until Monday morning so that she could walk middle and little guy to school. I think that is when she started to love the boys more than she thought she would.
She and I started to notice that the time we were apart dragged by so slowly and when we were together the hours passed like seconds.
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Icy Family Weekend
After struggling thru the Monday Morning Blues, listening to an annoying co-worker give me her opinion throughout the entire week I could not wait for 5:00 PM Friday.
A friend at work mentioned that this co-worker was way too preoccupied with my life outside of work. She spoke to the co-worker about the attention she was throwing in my direction and advised that she back up a bit. I spoke to the co worker myself and let her know that I was capable of making personal decisions without her interference and negativity. Speculation was that if I started dating someone I would no longer wish to do activities planned by this co-worker. Didn’t this crap just happen in High School? We are 40 year old women, get past it!!!
Sometime during this week we had decided that SHE should meet the boys. She was leaving her house early Friday afternoon to make it to LI to meet me at work. Don’t you know this is the weekend it decided to snow! What should have been a three hour trip turned into eight hours. When she called to let me know she was coming down the street the boys ran out to ensure she did not pass the house. They were very excited to meet the person that was making Mommy happy.
I had a bit of reservation about her meeting the boys. Just because I think they are wonderful does not mean that she will agree. The little guy wanted to carry her bag in, it was bigger than him. Middle guy was polite and accommodating, she was enamored with him immediately. My big guy hid under the counter and she waited until he was ready to come out. Kids that are on the spectrum for Autism will behave that way, Big guy has Asperger’s Syndrome. When he finally did come around he introduced himself and asked her “Are you a boy, you look like a boy?” She told him how happy she was to meet him, asked for a hug and said, “nah I’m not a boy but I can do all kinds of boy things.” Then the most wonderful thing happened they asked her to come in the living room so that she could tell them about boy things she can do. They argued a little about who would sit next to her and she fixed that quickly …. Big guy on the left, Middle guy on the right and Little guy on her lap. I sighed with relief, dried that tear that was escaping and took a mental picture, this was the first time my forever family was all together.
She and I had planned to take the kids out to dinner. She was exhausted from the long drive but she did not want to disappoint the kids so we all bundled up and went off to the restaurant. As usual everyone wanted to sit next to her, she handled that well by playing musical chairs during dinner. Big guy wanted to try something new, so he did and hated it. She realized he was not eating and she ordered what he normally eats and he loved her from that day on. While we were having dessert I looked at her and said “If you are going to break my heart, do it now – this is your out.” As you already know, she never did take that out or the few others that will come in the future.
We were awoken Saturday morning by my landlady, we were frozen in and the door won’t open. I threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, as I was passing the kids quietly watching cartoons around her sleeping on the couch. She was a bit puzzled that I would be leaving so early, I can’t remember what exactly she said but it was not complimentary to the landlady. I had to crawl outside thru a basement window so that I could chip away at the ice formed outside the door. EVERYTHING was covered in ice from the night before it was a bit hazardous, but I got the job done.
Once I was back in the house, starting my defrost I realized the boys were getting dressed and making a plan. She took them outside to chip the steps, sidewalk and driveway, my instructions were to stay inside so I started to make breakfast. The remainder of the weekend was games, movies and home cooked meals, we included the boys into everything.
She was never an early riser and to this day early mornings are not her thing. Monday morning came and we sprang into weekday morning mode. Everything has always been scheduled out, dressed, breakfast, teeth, packing bags with lunches for the day, etc. She was amazed at the fluidity of it all and stated that she was exhausted just watching. I gave each boy a kiss at the door and they were off, time for my morning rituals. She drove me to work and honestly I did not want to go, life does have to continue – even when you are in love.
A friend at work mentioned that this co-worker was way too preoccupied with my life outside of work. She spoke to the co-worker about the attention she was throwing in my direction and advised that she back up a bit. I spoke to the co worker myself and let her know that I was capable of making personal decisions without her interference and negativity. Speculation was that if I started dating someone I would no longer wish to do activities planned by this co-worker. Didn’t this crap just happen in High School? We are 40 year old women, get past it!!!
Sometime during this week we had decided that SHE should meet the boys. She was leaving her house early Friday afternoon to make it to LI to meet me at work. Don’t you know this is the weekend it decided to snow! What should have been a three hour trip turned into eight hours. When she called to let me know she was coming down the street the boys ran out to ensure she did not pass the house. They were very excited to meet the person that was making Mommy happy.
I had a bit of reservation about her meeting the boys. Just because I think they are wonderful does not mean that she will agree. The little guy wanted to carry her bag in, it was bigger than him. Middle guy was polite and accommodating, she was enamored with him immediately. My big guy hid under the counter and she waited until he was ready to come out. Kids that are on the spectrum for Autism will behave that way, Big guy has Asperger’s Syndrome. When he finally did come around he introduced himself and asked her “Are you a boy, you look like a boy?” She told him how happy she was to meet him, asked for a hug and said, “nah I’m not a boy but I can do all kinds of boy things.” Then the most wonderful thing happened they asked her to come in the living room so that she could tell them about boy things she can do. They argued a little about who would sit next to her and she fixed that quickly …. Big guy on the left, Middle guy on the right and Little guy on her lap. I sighed with relief, dried that tear that was escaping and took a mental picture, this was the first time my forever family was all together.
She and I had planned to take the kids out to dinner. She was exhausted from the long drive but she did not want to disappoint the kids so we all bundled up and went off to the restaurant. As usual everyone wanted to sit next to her, she handled that well by playing musical chairs during dinner. Big guy wanted to try something new, so he did and hated it. She realized he was not eating and she ordered what he normally eats and he loved her from that day on. While we were having dessert I looked at her and said “If you are going to break my heart, do it now – this is your out.” As you already know, she never did take that out or the few others that will come in the future.
We were awoken Saturday morning by my landlady, we were frozen in and the door won’t open. I threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, as I was passing the kids quietly watching cartoons around her sleeping on the couch. She was a bit puzzled that I would be leaving so early, I can’t remember what exactly she said but it was not complimentary to the landlady. I had to crawl outside thru a basement window so that I could chip away at the ice formed outside the door. EVERYTHING was covered in ice from the night before it was a bit hazardous, but I got the job done.
Once I was back in the house, starting my defrost I realized the boys were getting dressed and making a plan. She took them outside to chip the steps, sidewalk and driveway, my instructions were to stay inside so I started to make breakfast. The remainder of the weekend was games, movies and home cooked meals, we included the boys into everything.
She was never an early riser and to this day early mornings are not her thing. Monday morning came and we sprang into weekday morning mode. Everything has always been scheduled out, dressed, breakfast, teeth, packing bags with lunches for the day, etc. She was amazed at the fluidity of it all and stated that she was exhausted just watching. I gave each boy a kiss at the door and they were off, time for my morning rituals. She drove me to work and honestly I did not want to go, life does have to continue – even when you are in love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
